Monday, October 18, 2010

The results

*WARNING: PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DON'T LIKE DEPRESSING POSTS FROM ME. THANK YOU.

I was out all day today with my aunt. We were at the hospital from morning till evening . Today is THE day. The day for me to get some answers from the doctor about my thyroid problem that's been bugging me for the past 14 years. I just wanted to know for sure about the latest development of my thyroid condition. And IF there is another way other than surgery that can help save my thyroid. And later this evening, I finally got my answers.

They took my blood.....did blood test specifically for thyroid....and scanning (just like how they scan a pregnant woman's tummy, that's how they scanned my neck! LOL), which was pretty cool actually hehhee.....a new experience for me. Later in the afternoon, the results were ready and off I went to meet the doctor to get my answers. He wasn't really accommodating at first.....not friendly....didn't even smile or greet me as I walked into his room. I didn't like him one bit. But had to stay on and listen to his explanations regarding my thyroid condition. What he explained to me, shocked me.....I wanted to cry , I could feel the tears slowly pooling in my eyes but I put on a straight face and continued listening. I knew there and then that I had no other choice but to remove my right thyroid because it is currently harming the important parts of my neck where I breath and eat. Eventually if I don't do anything about it.......if it gets bigger and bigger, soon I won't be able to eat or breath normally. OR it might turn into cancer....

The problem is.......this will be a major surgery...not a minor one. And there are complications, there are risks. There is a big chance that I might loose my voice if something goes wrong during surgery. And that's just one of the many complications that might arise. He scared me....but he was just telling me the truth. I didn't know what to think......because even if I do go on with the surgery, it still does not solve the problem altogether. At the moment, my thyroid hormones are normal....no problem at all. The problem is there are a few nodules and cysts at my right thyroid that's causing the problem. And they need to go. The doctor can't remove them alone, as he needs to remove them together with the right thyroid. No choice. And once he does that, there will be only one thyroid left to supply the hormones to my body. If that thyroid can't supply enough, I might have to be on  medication for life. And......there is another complication as well.....which I find difficult to explain here. So complicated. And that complication might cause me to loose calcium in my body and I will have very low metabolic rate, makes me feel lethargic all the time. :(  There are other things he told me that I just don't feel like mentioning here because it's so depressing to talk further about it.

As for my eczema.....the doctor didn't even bother much about it......as he was more concerned about my thyroid. I'll find another doctor to help me out with that problem. For the time being....Palmer's Shea Butter lotion is helping to ease the itch and dry skin.....apart from taking care of what I eat so that I won't make it worse than it is now.

Right now, I'm just lost, not sure of what to do........it's in my hands now.....my choice......to go on with the surgery or not, that is the question. Orang Melayu kata......ditelan mati mak, diluah mati bapak.....eh, betul ke...? Errmmm something like that laaa.....not a win win situation. I'm gonna sleep on it for a while......hope Allah will show me the way......

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11 comments:

mangosteenskin said...

Lin, mango tumpang sedih baca pos lin ni, but my prayer will always be with you.

manusia memang tak boleh lari dari keluh-kesah dan gundah-gulana. Buatlah istikharah, minta jawapannya dari Allah. I'm sure Allah will help you to make the best decision. InsyaAllah.

Noor Azlina Abdul Samad K. said...

Mango...thank you so much dear...you are the second person today to ask me to do the istikharah...and I will surely do it soon. Lin cuma ingat kat Allah jer sekarang ni...for only He can help me now.

As Ahmad said...

kak lin... as usual, mcm waktu kak lin soh as tulis something kat swap card, makin byk as nk cakap, makin speechless. mkn dalam perasaan as, makin takde kata yg bole wakilkan. honestly, as tenga pegang handphone n tepikir nk call ke tak nak. but i'm afraid i'll disturb you. as sedih baca pos ni :( i've faced the same situation last year regarding my right breast. and making this kind of decision is really hard. rs mcm nk ckp kat doktor, you decidelah for me. huhu~

hope Allah will show you the way. apapun pilihan, there will always come with risk. betul ckp kak mango, memang kene wat istikharah and talk with people who hv experience this if you know any.

as akan slalu slalu slalu do'akan kak lin. for some miracle and endless strength.

♥, as

Noor Azlina Abdul Samad K. said...

Thank you so much As....just knowing someone out there who cares deeply about me means a lot to me right now. To be honest, I've been really quiet today at home. I can't even talk to my Mom. I can't even look at her.....I couldn't even look at my aunt today straight in the eye because the minute I do that I feel like crying. Thank you so much for understanding. I guess right now, I just want to be alone. I can't even talk to anyone because terlalu sebak. Terlalu sedih actually. Even if you call me, I won't be able to talk to you. I guess I just need time....time heals all sadness they say.

Thank you for the prayers....I really really appreciate it dear. May Allah bless you always and keep you healthy and happy.

p.s. I didn't know about your health condition...so sorry to hear about it. Perhaps one day when we meet we can talk about it. But only if you want to dear. Ok? I wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. :(

As Ahmad said...

i know, i know. dat's y jugak as tak immedately call. ms as kuar dr bilik doktor pun, as dah tak bole cakap pape. as nanges jek n tak dpt respon pe ibu ckp. apatah ag nk pndg mata dia. 2weeks berkurung jek dalam bilik. huhu~

but m not going to add more sad story here. nanti jd tempat luahan hati as pulak. hehe. sure we'll meet some day to share this :) kak lin dh mcm kakak as dah, of course as rs honorable if you want to hear :)

i know you need time and space to be alone. but if kak lin need a friend, m always here ye? ♥

Noor Azlina Abdul Samad K. said...

:( so sorry to hear what happened to you dear. Same like me....hiding most of the time in my studio. Not talking much. Just keep busy online. Finding peace online. No mood to eat either. Makan pun sekadar nak lapik perut jer. Memang dah takde selera.

K.Lin pun dah anggap As macam adik K.Lin....bangga dapat adik macam As nih. :) Thank you for being there for me dear. Truly appreciate this a lot...more than you'll ever know. :)

Hugs + Love,
K.Lin

Grace to You said...

Oh, Lin, I'm so sorry to hear this! So very sorry for your fear and sadness. I'll be praying for you to have wisdom and clear direction to know what to do.

Maneka said...

Dear Lin, i'm so sorry to hear about your condition...
It's sad to hear a creative , lovely and enthusiastic person like you is going through so much pain...:(
Have faith honey everything will be alright...
anyway, if you are not sure about this doctor, contact another one... check if its the only option...Get well soon honey.... good luck!!!!

Maneka
from chamicrafts

Noor Azlina Abdul Samad K. said...

Maneka....thank you sweetie for your kind words of comfort. I really appreciate it a lot. Yes, I will be getting 2nd or 3rd opinion from other doctors before I make a final decision. Been doing a lot of research on it as well to find out more about the procedure and the side effects. Thank you for your wishes...I surely do need a lot of luck!

Hugs + Love,
Lin

Anonymous said...

Hi, Lin.

I am very sorry for your pain and your sadness. And the difficult decision you have to make soon. But I think you need to go with the surgery in this case.

My brother had his thyroid taken out - both of them last year. His was cancerous. He had to do radiation and I think chemo but I am not sure. He did not want to talk about it much and I do not ask unless he wants to talk about it. He hasn't said anything since last year.

He did lose his voice for a while but not completely. I think it came back to normal after a month. The side effect that he has that me told me about was the tiredness. He just does not have the energy that he had before the surgery and now a year later he is still feeling tired. He is on medication and he says losing weight is very difficult. But he is able to function normally and live a normal life. He still does all the things he did before the surgery - walking, biking, playing soccer, running a business from home.

Those are the worst symptoms he had and has. That does not mean you will have the same ones. Everyone is different.

Everything will turn out fine because someone higher up will take care of you. Do not worry as worry causes many health issues. And it wears the body down.

Ride the wave and trust that all will be taken care of. Take many deep breaths and have faith.

Sending you many hugs.
Barb

Noor Azlina Abdul Samad K. said...

Hi Barb...

After almost one week since I my last visit to the hospital...I feel a lot better now...not too emotional anymore. It's not that I don't want to do the surgery, but since it's more of a problem with the finance that's hindering me from going through the procedure. I'm depending a lot on somebody's help here to do the surgery. Becoz I myself can't afford it.

I really hope God will help me out with this one. I feel lost right now. Just going with the flow...