Monday, July 19, 2010

When do you live?

What a day! I thought of fasting today (puasa ganti hehehehe) but looks like I couldn't do it because I was just too tired. I did fast yesterday though. Well, at least I tried to do it...hehehe.  So one day done, a few more days to go! Ramadhan is drawing closer and closer and I'm a little worried that I might not be able to do all the "puasa ganti" before Ramadhan, I gotta give it my best shot! LOL! Luckily my Mom is joining me as at least I got company. It's always good to have someone fasting with you..... :)

As usual my day is always busy busy busy.....from morning till night time. I barely get to do other activities outside the house because I'm always so busy in my studio. Either making cards and bookmarks or doing research on the net or blogging or promoting my business online. 

I find that ever since I moved to Alor Setar....I rarely cook. When I was staying in Kuala Lumpur I had to cook everyday. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Mom handles the kitchen. It's her territory. I just help out whenever she's busy. She seems to enjoy feeding me. LOL! And I enjoy eating whatever she prepares for me. I'm so easy to please hehehehe.

Funny that even though I don't cook that much these days, I still don't have enough time for work.  Cooking used to be a lame excuse of mine for not getting enough time for work :P. Work is endless. There is always something that I need to do in my studio. I don't even watch TV that much either these days. I've stopped watching most of my regular TV shows too. I'm so absorbed with work. My friend said to me the other day......if I'm so busy working....when do I live? That statement really made me speechless for a while. It's true what he said. Felt a little sad because I suddenly realised how much I  am missing in life. All the wonderful things I should be experiencing at my age......but I don't get to experience them because I'm so absorbed with my work. 

I suppose the real reason why I haven't been really living is because I'm so driven to realise my dreams. I love what I do for a's more than just work for me. When what I do is so interesting and fascinating, I don't see it much as work. It's more like a great adventure. I'm so passionate about it. A lot of people think that I shouldn't be working too hard.....but what can I do....I just love what I'm doing. It makes me happy. Different people enjoy life differently. But just because I love what I'm doing now, does not mean that I shouldn't go out and enjoy the other things in  life out there. I want to but.......there is always a but....hehehhehe there is always something that does not allow me to do all the things I want. I'm living my life now....but I guess it's not to the fullest.

It's also difficult to move around when you are not mobile. I keep thinking, if I had a car, perhaps I get to do more with my life. I get to go places as well. Do the things I would enjoy doing. Not being mobile makes me feel trapped. A little trapped. I remember when I was staying in Kuala Lumpur, it was pretty easy to get to places. The various public transport there were  pretty efficient. Here in Alor Setar.....not so. :( Especially where I'm staying. No bus at all nearby my house. If I wanna go anywhere.....I either have to depend on my bicycle or borrow my Mom's car. I don't like to borrow too often from her as she needs to use it as well. The solution to this problem? Money.....I need more money, so that I can get me a car. I really want to get one by next year. I have to!

I realise I will always have my reasons why I have not been really living my life. I can either keep making up reasons or excuses to explain myself OR start living it. 

So......what is the answer Lin? Will you start living now? To the fullest? God knows I'm am trying.....the best way I know how :) 

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